Tis the season for “Ugly” holiday sweaters my friends. Whether it’s Christmas, Hanukkah or Festivus, we’ve got you covered with some real winners to give you some ideas. Here are the three qualifying factors that we’re evaluating sweaters on:

 

Sweater qualifiers

 

1. “Santa! I know him!” –  A pop culture reference

2. Clever – “Not just a Pretty Face”

3. “All the bells and whistles” – more sweater regalia than you can shake a stick at.

 

Christmas Sweaters

 

You know this guy right? The Abominable Snowman from Rudolph, the Red Nosed Reindeer? Just look at the loveable and abominable face, it’s kind of adorable. The Christmas lights are a nice touch, and bonus points for the 3D-furry snowman face.  Even Cornelius would have to give it 2 thumbs up!

 

This dude’s ensemble is 100% a #3 bells and whistles sweater –  I mean, it literally has bells on it! Take a closer look and you’ll see some Nutcracker cameos, along with the obligatory 3-D wrapped presents underneath the Christmas tree. The garland, the gingerbread men and the fact that this guy kind of looks like the last person you would see in a Christmas sweater makes this one a real winner. I’m guessing he lost a large bet.

 

This one has clever all over it. First things first, not only is this a sweater, but it is a sweater VEST (paging Jim Tressel) atop a holly, jolly turtleneck. This outfit would most likely be seen being worn by your grandma when you visit her on Christmas day. The fact that it’s that it’s worn by a balding man in his 40s, taking Sears studio portraits really sells it for me.

 

More than just a movie reference sweater, it’s an artistic interpretation of a snapshot of 1940s kitch. Inspired by the 1983 classic A Christmas Story, this knitted dream has all the hallmarks of the movie: Ralphie’s broken glasses, the Red Ryder bb gun and the scintillating Italian leg lamp. Even if you’ve managed to go your whole life without seeing the film in its entirety (like me) you’ve no doubt stumbled upon the annual “24 hours of A Christmas Story.” Sweater perfection.

 

What’s not to love about this image, I ask you? There are no words.

 

This here Christmas sweater makes the list for its absolute cleverness. This character looks like a cross between the Notre Dame Fighting Irish leprechaun, a jockey and one of Santa’s little helpers. If you’re lucky enough to get your hands on this sweater, consider the ever so popular matching elf hat.

 

This one has “Santa! I know him!” written all over it. It’s our favorite elf, Buddy’s outfit in sweater form! I might even wear this one when it’s not the holiday season. Ok, no I wouldn’t but I like it, alright? This is another elf sweater that might benefit from an accompanying hat, or jingle bell bracelets, or pockets of candy canes.

 

Pun alert! Pun alert! If we’re going super cheesy with our holiday sweaters, then we might as well embrace a full-on pun sweater. Alright, if you look closely you can tell that this is a sweatshirt, but I’m going on blind faith that the lettering is actual fleece.

 

It should come as no surprise to you that someone has created a Frozen Christmas sweater. I’m pretty sure that if we had a presidential election last year, Frozen would’ve won that too. This sweater is a two-for-one: it’s a movie reference AND a witty pun. Though it looks like it was made last minute for an ugly sweater party, that is still some fine felt craftsmanship. Feltsmanship?

 

Movie reference? Check. Witty-ish pop culture reference? Check. Somewhat forward so you can finally hit on your friends-girlfriends-friend over drunken eggnog? Check. This one gets points for me for its minimalist style – no face on the Grinch, and a pretty straight forward font. Though Antoine Dodson’s 5 minutes of fame has come and gone, the Grinch is forever. And he really does snatch your Christmas up. It’s what makes him the Grinch.

 

 

 

I’m gonna be a stickler about this one. You’re probably looking at this one thinking “oh yeah, that’s from Home Alone.” But no! This is actually a quote from the faux movie “Angels with Even Filthier Souls” that Kevin was watching in Home Alone 2: Lost in New York. For me, this is all I want in a Christmas sweater – it’s not too ostentatious, it references one of the great holiday classics, and is buzz worthy.

 

This one most definitely classifies as a “bells and whistles” sweater. I would also argue that it could be interpreted as a movie reference because this girl kind of transforms into something that is really better than any Michael Bay movie. I wouldn’t call this one simple exactly, but there is something both relaxed and outrageous about this one that I really dig.

 

Hanukah sweaters

 

 

I take your lights and tinsel and raise you 3D dreidels and buttons. This embraces everything that makes a Christmas sweater a Christmas sweater and puts an Old Testament spin on it. Also, this thing looks super warm and cozy. Is that flannel? Nice.

 

Sometime in the past decade, we collectively decided that Flashdance-esque sweaters were a thing again. For that reason alone, I’m giving this one points for movie reference; even if it’s not a holiday movie.  It should be noted that sometime in the past decade we also made “bitch” a semi term of endearment. Caution: be careful with usage.

 

This one is just straight-up class. Maybe it’s because the guy who’s modeling in it looks like your favorite employee from the Apple store, but nevertheless. We’ve got another sweater rocking a plethora of dreidels, but in a cardigan style that all the youngins like these days.

 

Mazel y’all!  This one isn’t a sweater, but a classy blouse that gets my vote. It also gets my “Clever girl” stamp of approval. Decked out in menorah and Star of David gelt, you’ll be ready for a night at the coolest synagogue or cocktail party in town. For all of us gentiles out there, gelt is a chocolate coin that children receive during Hanukkah. Hence, the “Geltdigger.”

 

Let’s be honest: sometimes the holidays are just an easy excuse to get hammered. This sweater is not ashamed of this fact, and embraces it fully. This one gets the clever stamp of approval. Sometimes all it takes is a silly rhyme you guys. Now pass the Manischewitz.

 

It’s probably just the pants, but this one kind of looks like a pajama shirt. Nevertheless, it is decked out to the nines, leaving no practically no room for negative Hanukkah-less space. This gets the bells and whistles award, and I like the undershirt, which I would describe as “Star of David chainmail.”

 

This one is just cheerful! Look at how happy those anthropomorphic dreidels are! And they are both holding the menorah in the spirit of togetherness! This sweater is wholesome Hanukkah fun. Bonus fashion points for the blue and white striped cuffs.

 

Now this is a dynamic duo. Christmas tree sweater, you have met your match! It’s hard to beat a human menorah made of gold duct tape.  This pairing is especially timely this year, as Hanukkah and Christmas overlap. Look at us all getting along!

 

This one wins the “simplicity award” from me.  This sweater has got a style in mind and it just commits to it, man. You’ve got your prominent Star of David front and center accompanied by some smaller stars and what I can only assume are shapes that are trying really hard not to be snowflakes. Just a pleasant Hanukkah sweater.

 

Here’s a Hanukkah sweater that gives any Christmas sweater a run for its money. Bells and whistles indeed my friends. First off, we’ve got what appears to be a Freddie Krueger-esque striped sweater base, which is no shrinking violet. Top it off with big bright letters, garland, Stars of David, and a 3-D menorah that can barely fit on the shirt, and you’ve got yourself a party.

If my mother were Jewish, I think she’d wear something like this. By itself, it is a boring blue sweater…but throw on a little puffy paint and some felty dreidels, and you’ve got a mom-worthy Hanukkah sweater for the ages.

 

Festivus sweaters

 

 

Seinfeld fans are well aware of the parody holiday festival known as Festivus. So air your grievances and prepare for feats of strength with this secular sweater. Just like the Festivus pole itself, this sweater is pretty simplistic and straightforward, and thus gets the “Clever” stamp of approval. Also, because, Seinfeld.

 

I know, this isn’t a sweater, but since Festivus is about celebrating a non-denominational holiday, isn’t it perfect that it’s a t-shirt? In the style of Christmas sweaters, this shirt is bare bones and straight facts. When is Festivus? Now you know.

 

Another t-shirt, yes, but this particular shirt highlights the Festivus pole. The plain aluminum pole that is left undecorated is the staple of Festivus. Spoiler alert: it has no meaning.

 

Ok, this isn’t technically a “Festivus sweater”, but it’s definitely a “Christmas sweater that’s not a Christmas sweater”. Sure, you’ve got some snowflakes and pine trees, but the emphasis here is placed on Gizmo and his mischievous brethren. This Gremlins sweater gets the pop culture points for sure. Just don’t get it wet or feed it after dark.

 

This PBR sweater is a treasure to behold. Nothing says the Holidays like a rack of PBR.  The perfect complement to your skinny jeans and guaranteed to impress all of your fedora wearing hipster friends.